Ever since she could remember- Matthew Abraham had always been in her life. His parents had practically chosen her as the wife-candidate for their one and only son since from birth. Matt's mother, who's a nurse was the one assisting Sam's birth. Their family had been very close, as they're living in the same village where everybody knows everybody. And Matt's mother fell in love with Sam at first sight.
They grew up together and had been almost inseparable, as his parents did everything they could to throw them together as much as possible. School activities, village activities- as his family was one of the influential family in the village not to mention the richest, they could have their own way pretty much in everything. The whole village had been treating her as the soon-to-be daughter in law of Mr. and Mrs. Abraham long before she and Matthew were engaged.
Perhaps, Matt too had been so into the thoughts of them, being soul mates, that he too acted like he loved her ever since secondary school. He even picked fights with boys who took interest in her, not knowing about Matt and her. He really had made it very clear since then that, he too had his life planned out- and she will be a part of it.
Come to think of it- everything between them had been pretty planned out, too plain, too straight-forward. There was no surprise, no 'butterflies in the stomach' like what her friends would say they felt when they fell in love, no mysteries. Everything between them was all there- laid out, they're to be together like what his parents had been saying since they could remember, and what her parents had agreed to before they both entered the University when his parents suggested engagement.
Yes, Matt had all the package of the perfect guy- he's handsome, he's active in sports, he's rich and he attended University, he had to repeat one semester which resulted in them graduating the same year- but he's smart enough to be accepted to one of the prestigious University in the country though. He had always been gossiped with a lot of girls ever since Secondary school, but he always told her, she is the one for him. Perhaps because then, he's still living with his parents thus they could keep him under their control.
Then they both attended different Universities. And he started to change. His calls get fewer and fewer and finally during their last semester, he stopped calling altogether. She knew that something was wrong by then. But it was not until he came back, that she knew for sure- he came back with another woman in tow.
Their small village exploded with the news. People had been expecting The Abraham estate's heir to wed the first daughter of the Clement. People began to speculate. Something is wrong with the Clement's daughter, that is why the Abraham's son had had a change of heart.
The course of the story had always been the same, when an engagement is broken, it will always be the girl's problem. If the girl broke the engagement, they said, "she's been unfaithful. She found someone else." and if the it's the boy who broke the engagement, they said ,"there's something wrong with the girl, that's why."
Now, she's one of them- the jilted ones, the girl who had something wrong, and she had brought her family's name into the mud. Her proud father, who had worked as an honest postal worker all his life. Her kind mother who had been the village's green finger goddess, her kind grandmother who had helped many people with her wisdom, her fun-loving sister and her wise brother who looked up to her so much- she felt that she had dragged them all down with her.
It took the Abrahams two weeks to come and broke the engagement in tears. Sam had listened without even flinching, no emotion what so ever even when Mrs. Abraham hugged her and asked for her forgiveness over and and over again. She had felt nothing.
It was only after the Abrahams went home, and she saw her parents', her grandmother's and her siblings' pale and dejected expressions that the waves of guilt engulfed her. It was the first of her many cries.
She still had not said why she cried and she doubt if people, even her family really knew the real reason why.
She did not cry because she'd been jilted. She didn't actually felt anything when she heard that Matt had brought another woman home. She did not felt any pain for his betrayal, she didn't feel anything. And the truth be told- she'd never felt anything even when she knew he's seeing any other girls and it was not because she's that confident of herself that he will come back to her- but because she actually did not have deep feelings for him. She had thought that it was not important. This feeling called 'love' is not important- what's important was she's in control of her feelings. What's important is she ends up with a man her family could be proud of. She had thought that, that's all that matters.
She had never loved Matt. She only want a stable relationship, an uncomplicated life, a man her family could lean onto. How wrong had she been.
Because of her callousness, her family had to bear the consequences, the shame of having a jilted daughter.
She had only thought of her feelings and she didn't think of how her family would suffer, if anything goes wrong. Her confidence in her having complete control of her feelings resulted in the shame she put her family through in the end.
That was why she cried so much. She hated herself. She felt guilty and she couldn't forgive herself.
Yes, she was heart broken but not over Matt but over her family's pain. They suffered, because of her. And it was then, that she began to hate herself and Matt. They were both responsible for this. She had no doubt that Matt too had been in the same situation as she'd been, just going along with the flow, no real feelings or emotion attached. But just as she was guilty of letting things go as far as they got without thinking it over, until they both ended up hurting the people she loved most, so was he. And thus- she hated them both.
That is why she needed to go away. She never hated anybody, and now she not only hate another human being but she also hate herself. She had to sort things out.
She took the ring and frown, "this worth a couple of thousands.." and she wore it around her neck.
She's ready to go to Korea.
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